Neuroaffirming couples therapy for ADHD and autistic adults
How does couples therapy for ADHD and autistic adults differ from regular couples therapy?
I bring a neuroaffirming approach to the way I work with couples, which simply means that I carry a strong awareness and attunement to how each person’s experience may be tied to their neurodivergence or neurotype.
Here are 5 ways using a neuroaffirming approach to therapy makes it distinctly different.
It gives us a shared language to use
There may be particular challenges an individual or couple is experiencing that could be best explained and understood by looking through the lens of neurodivergence.
This does not mean talking about neurodivergence is always relevant! At the end of the day, the foundation of all relationships is the same - there needs to be a foundation of mutual trust, safety and respect.
Understanding and talking about neurodivergence in session and out of session with your partner simply equips us with the language to help us get the most out of therapy.
It bridges communication gaps
It can feel like you’re speaking a whole other language to your partner sometimes, so having the language to express yourself allows you to reach each other more effectively.
You’re able to identify your individual needs more accurately
If your needs aren’t getting met, you’re going to be stuck in a constant state of overwhelm, dysregulation, triggers and emotional disconnection - where you’re unable to be present in your relationship.
If we know that you’re autistic or have ADHD then we can get more accurate on describing your needs and mapping out steps for how they can get met - within yourself and within your relationship.
Your relationship can be tailored to what you uniquely need as a couple
No two couples are the same. What you create with your partner is unique. If you leave one relationship and enter another, you will create something entirely different. Or at least, that’s what needs to happen! We will all hit a point in a relationship where we realise that we’d been assuming our partner was on the same page as us - about family, money, values, future goals, connection preferences, so on.
Small discoveries that our partner is actually different to us can feel like a shock or even like a betrayal! Suddenly you’re speaking a foreign language to each other and are needing to go back to the drawing board to get clear again on what you’re both wanting. This is a very normal cycle to find yourself in, and it’s important that you be equipped with the tools, the language and the empathy to navigate these conversations at each juction.
Couples therapy helps you get clear on your shared values, shared dreams, shared forms of connection, which are incredibly important to know deeply so that when you’re navigating challenges and conflicts, you can come back to this as your “lighthouse”.
It helps build greater empathy
When therapy isn’t neuroaffirming, your unique needs may be glazed over, you might feel inadequete or wrong for the way you express yourself, you might be trying all sorts of different things to get through to your partner but nothing seems to work.
When we bring in an awareness of how you function based on your neurotype, we get to see how it shapes how you feel your feelings, how you process things, how you express yourself, how you like to connect. Meaning, it’s then easier to hold empathy for one another, whether neurodivergent or neurotypical.
If you’re ready for couples therapy, you’re most welcome to book in a free 15-minute call to see how I can help.
